How to Be More Assertive at Work (Without Turning People Off)

How to Be More Assertive at Work (Without Turning People Off)How to Be More Assertive at Work (Without Turning People Off)Find it hard to advocate for yourself? Youre not alone. The personality trait that psychologists call agreeableness describes how motivated you are to get along with other people. If youre highly agreeable, that motivation can sometimes prevent you from sticking up for your own interests. Anytime you ask for something at work, you run the risk that youll be told no- and possibly aggravate the person youre asking. As a result, agreeable people may be put off from asking in the first place.This can be a problem, becauseresearch suggeststhat agreeable people tend to make less money than disagreeable people (even accounting for the fact that disagreeable people lose their jobs more often). And in leadership roles, agreeable people may not be as good at getting their teams all the resources they need. So, what can you do to be more assertive, even when it just isnt in your personality to do so? Here are a few tipsStop HedgingWhen youre feeling concerned about making a certain request, there are a few different ways you might show it. One of them is with the way you phrase the request itself.Hedging phrases and expressions like sort of, kind of, or technically can water down what youre trying to say- and make you sound less confident than you need to be in order to get what you want.For example, when you say to someone that youre kind of done with a project, youre not really stating that you are finished with it, just somewhere in the vicinity of done.unterstellung linguistic habits can creep into your questions just as easily as they can water down your statements. Maybe you preface a request by saying, I was sort of hoping that you would hoping that this phrasing will come off more polite. Agreeable person that you are, you think your chances of getting what you want will be higher when you arent seen as imposing on anybody. But you might be wro ng This language makes it sound like your request isnt all that important, or even that youre not certain it deserves to be granted.Just state your requests more directly. I need or I want will typically get you much further. Decision makers in your organization cant help you unless you state clearly what you need to be successful, and explain why its so important. Even if they cant grant what you want that very moment, they may be able to help you out in the future.Related These Personality Tests Found Things Out That Only My Mom KnowsTreat Your Request Like a First ImpressionPeople are influenced not just by the content of certain statements, but also by the confidence with which theyre put forward, and the same is true with requests.All the lessons youve learned abouthow to meet new peoplealso apply when youre asking for something. You know you have to look people in the eye, stand tall, and give a firm handshake in order to make a first impression. Youll want to be just as emoti onally intelligent when youre asking people for things- including people you already know well and work with every day. Speak clearly and audibly, make eye contact, and act as though you expect cooperation from them.Your agreeableness may prod you to take a more casual approach, but you need to resist that urge the same way youd have to if you were meeting new people while networking. Its important to project the expectation that your request will be taken seriously, and that display of confidence can boost the chances that it actually will be.Related These Expressions Make You Sound Like You Dont Know What Youre Talking AboutAlways Give a ReasonYoud be surprised how many people forget this one, but its always crucial to justify your request. You dont need to give a long, drawn-out explanation of why the thing youre asking for matters, but a clear statement of the underlying need or purpose is key to sounding assertive. The reason helps because it shifts people from making an up-or- down decision to having to argue with the reason. Sometimes, just the effort of having to grapple with the reason is enough to get people to agree.Aclassic 1978 studyby Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer and her colleagues looked at this issue when people would line up to use the office photocopier. They found that whenever somebody just asked if they could cut the line (a yes or no question), they were generally told no, and had to take their place at the back of the line. But if they gave a reason- Can I cut in? I need to make some copies?- people were much more likely to let them through. The reason itself couldnt have been more obvious, but it was enough- people just didnt want to have to argue with it.Of course, agoodreason (not just any reason) also helps bolster the case for your request. Its always useful for people to understand not just what you want, but why you want it. The trick, though, is to keep your request short. When you can give a crisp statement of why your reque st matters, people assume you have really thought it through. If you ramble in your reasons, then the request is likely to seem half-baked, too.This is potentially good news for agreeable people whose personalities tend to make them less keen on asking for things even being able to muster a short explanation can go a long way.RelatedDo These 5 Emotionally Intelligent Things Within 5 Minutes of Meeting SomeoneRemember Theres No Harm in AskingFinally, dont forget that people who act as gatekeepers for resources know that people are going to ask them for things. Part of the job of managing a team is determining how to allocate those resources. Managers in those rolesexpectto have to manage those requests.That means that youre not doing something socially inappropriate when you approach someone with a request. It also means that they arent usually going to be angry with you if they have to tell you no. Typically, theyre just doing their best to manage the organizations resources in the best way they think they can. In other words, it isnt personal.If it helps you become more assertive, just remind yourself that your managers and supervisors dont feel bad about askingyouto do things. So, you shouldnt feel bad about reciprocating. Every organization has goals that its team members are charged with carrying out.leidasking for what you need hinders those goals. In that sense, withholding your request is probably the most disagreeable thing you can do.This article was originally published on Fast Company. It has been republished here with permission.